Synyster Graves

Rabit’s Top 7 Best Jobs in the World

by on Feb.09, 2012, under The Top 7 of Everything

There are a lot of people out there that we envy for having the job that everyone else wants, for whatever reason. It’s a dead cert that 99.9% of people would ditch their current job for one they consider the best job in the word. I’d like to hear your tops, but for now, here are mine:

7. Prime Minister
Being in charge really isn’t that hard, just try not to get caught in a Nazi uniform, buggering a rent boy on Clapham Common, or with your fingers in the cookie jar that is the Downing Street coffers. Manage this and you’ll be well on your way to starting the wars you want to start, evicting illiterate pikeys from their cesspits, passing laws banning chavs, and eventually getting paid millions from endorsements and biography sales after your time in office all goes pear shaped. Bingo, that’s the retirement sorted.

6. Professional Sportsman/woman
What could be more fun than competing in your favourite sport for a living? Be it golf, snowboarding, football, rugby, whatever you like doing, do it professionally and get to travel the world to the greatest locations and do what you love when you get there. Be warned though, as with the prime minister pitfalls, if you’re playing for a national team just make sure you don’t get caught with a transexual stripper, snorting coke off your grandmas head, or recorded saying you hated the poor little homeless, motherless, pennyless, cancerous children who you met at your last charity dinner. Avoid doing or saying these and you’ll get along just fine.

5. England National Football Team Manager
Some would say this is one of the hardest jobs in the world, but I disagree. The English football team hasn’t been good since circa 1966, and there’s not a very good outlook that they ever will be again. Sven or McClaren couldn’t win us anything, neither could Capello, nor could a host of Englishmen before them. We’ve never won the Euros, only one World Cup win over 45 years ago, and despite this the FA throws around £6million per year into the pockets of the England manager. Capello spent 4 years as manager and he failed to win us anything. Even if no one wants to touch him again, I’m sure he doesn’t care as he’s lounging on his summer yacht in the Bahamas with his 8 figure retirement sum. No expectations + £24million in the bank for 4 years work, I wouldn’t say no.

4. Restaurant Critic
Now, I like my food and I would love to be able to dine out in the worlds finest Michelin Starred restaurants and all I have to do is taste the food and then write about it. Heaven! I wonder if they even have to pay for the meals? I doubt it. The champaign too? Hmmm, I guess it depends what paper you work for. Even so, having to fork out for a few drinks on your “working” nights isn’t exactly torture. Although restaurant critics do come across a bit pompous when you see them on the likes of “Masterchef”, maybe we need to start a new breed of critic for me to hang out with… actually Giles Coren is a food critic, and he’s pretty funny. Problem solved.

3. Astronaut
I’ll give you that this is definitely not one of the safest jobs in the world, looking at space shuttle safety records over the years, but still who out there can really say that they wouldn’t want to go into space and look at our planet form several thousand miles outside the atmosphere? If I had the opportunity, I would definitely take it and I think 100% of the population would if there was a guarantee of survival, probably a lot less without that guarantee, but that’s half the thrill of it I guess!

2. Formula 1 Test Driver
Think about it, although being a Formula 1 driver itself could arguably be a better job, I’ve gone for the job of the test drivers as I think that being less famous and therefore not constantly having the press and paparazzi in their face would be a distinct bonus over being a more famous F1 driver. Being a test driver you still get to wake up in the morning and rag a million dollar, hundred-mile-an-hour car around the world’s most famous race tracks to make sure it’s in tip top condition and as good as it can be. I know I’d wake up happy every day if that’s all I had to worry about.

1. Top Gear Presenter
Without a doubt the best job in the world in my opinion. They get to fuck about with the latest sports cars; go on massive road trips; blow up caravans; drop pianos on Morris Marinas; race on the world’s best circuits; interview the celebrities of the moment; and pretty much do whatever they want if they can slip it past the producers (which they usually do). They get to do all this whist acting like 5 year olds, no one thinks that’s a bad thing, AND they get paid for it! You can’t get better than that for a job description, fact.

:, , , , , ,

1 Comment for this entry

Leave a Reply