I realise that this is going to be a contentious subject, at the end of the day these are the games which I have massively struggled to get past the first level, let alone complete the game. Yes you can argue that I’m rubbish but the following games are so frustratingly hard, you have no choice but to give up before you get driven over the edge.

7. Ghouls ‘n’ Ghosts (SEGA Mega Drive)

If there ever was a game which was so unbelievably merciless, it has to be GnG. This game threw everything at you including the kitchen sink and before long you’re reaching for more continues before you’ve even registered that you’re playing the game. You start off in a suit of armour, which ridiculously seems to shatter with any hit you take and you then spend the next few seconds running around in your underwear before you get hit by another unavoidable attack. It’s one of those games that goes beyond being a challenge and I think I cleared the first level once only! The difficulty is crazy and I don’t know many people who have actually progressed quite far in this devilishly difficult classic!

6. Lord of The Rings: Return of The King (Nintendo GameCube)
Where the 2D scrolling games flooded the screen with enemies and projectiles, it was only a matter of time before it crept into 3D fighting games, and this is exactly what this game is. There’s so much going on on the screen you can’t even see where you character is half the time. Then come the archers, oh boy. There are so many arrows flooding your immediate locale that you can’t help but try and defend yourself. There is one of the shoulder buttons you can press to do some flailing move which parries the arrows, but that means you can’t attack back and you literally spend the whole time battering off the tidal wave of projectiles, plus it proper cheats and it’s more like homing arrows which follow you about! It’s insane and even in two player, myself and King struggled with this game immensely!

5. The Revenge of Shinobi (SEGA Mega Drive)

Speaking of games where everything was all over the screen with no mercy, another game which falls massively in this category is Shinobi. This game was pig hard and was very unforgiving to play. You could boost up the powers and the extra lives but it didn’t matter. While I take massive issue with scrolling games that cause damage to you just because an enemy runs into you is cheap and stupid. But it also bounces you back when you take a hit leaving you perfectly falling down gaps all the time. The powerups are few and far between, and most of the time it’s a bomb which blows you up! The jumps were largely unobtainable most of the time and enemies can fire diagonally through the walls, both of which are stupidly unfair and make the game too hard. Plus it was nearly impossible to beat the first boss without losing about 4 extra lives!

4. Mercs (SEGA Mega Drive)

While the Shinobi games were just difficult, Mercs on the Mega Drive was just impossible. There were bullets literally everywhere and back in the day, there were no dual analog sticks for movement and aiming, they were just one, which caused strafing to become rather difficult. Again you could put the difficulty on the easiest level and you had to use up all your special attacks just to kill the first boss. On the arcade mode on the cartridge you got one life and no continues! So whatever sadist designed this they should be shot! The enemies had biased weapons as their bullets used to go on and on even when they’re not on the screen, yet your weapons have a very limited range and flamethrowing enemies doesn’t kill them straight away, they carried on shooting at you even if they were emblazoned! Mercs did see a modern iteration on Xbox Live Arcade in the form of Wolf of The Battlefield 3, but that still had the same problem with too steep a difficulty curve, and stupidly limited weapons. Even on easiest difficulty and maximum lives, it’s nearly impossible, even in co-op!

3. Ikaruga (SEGA Dreamcast, Xbox Live Arcade)

Ikaruga is a flying shooter which was released on the SEGA Dreamcast, although the version I’ve got is on Xbox Live Arcade. The premise of the game is to switch between different polarities, white and black, to affect the polar persuation of the enemies. You can absorb the same colour, but the opposite colour will kill you. Sound easy enough? Try doing all that is a stupidly small confined space. Yes Ikaruga throws you into a labyrinth the size of biscuit tin with more corners than a Muller’s factory. Try then to do all the weaving in and out of the level, as well as getting your polarities right. It’s mainly the bosses which are ridiculous if the impossible level design doesn’t kill you. Again you can jack the difficulty down and the lives up, but I still couldn’t get past the third boss, which was this spinning wheel thing which gave you no space to manouvre whatsoever.

2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Arcade (NES, Xbox Live Arcade)

In the Turtles boom on the late 1980s, Turtles media was everywhere and video games certainly weren’t any exception. TMNT Arcade was a side scrolling fighting game like in the Streets of Rage mode, except this game was ridiculously hard. In single player, you essentially had four lives, which was each of the turtles. The game mechanic was just impossible, you could go anywhere without losing about 75% health every level and there was a severe drought of powerups which usually left you defenceless for long periods of time. Even in co-op, this game was just impossible as you ended up losing twice the lives, fast. Makes Double Dragon look like a piece of cake! The bosses were cheap and stupidly fast and surviving really wasn’t even an option most of the time!

1. Super Contra (Xbox Live Arcade)

In the history of games, I have never played a game which on the easiest difficulty, I couldn’t clear the  first level. Contra was a classic on the NES and the version on the arcade coin-ops was this version. The port I’ve got on XBLA is frankly impossible. The weapons are totally scarce and the enemies are ridiculous. This is another one of those stupid games whereby there are so many enemy soldiers and every time they run into you, you take damage. This is bullshit, epsecially when you drop your upgraded gun. But there are so many bullets which come at you and you just can’t quite avoid them all. They throw tanks and helicopters at you and there’s no way you can actually retain your upgraded weapon as you’re always getting attacked from behind during boss fights. Yeah, it’s a scrolling shooter from left to right, and enemies spawn from the left. Yeah that’s fair. This is quite frankly the most ridiculous game ever conceived as it’s impossible to get anywhere, yet manage to progress at all. Completing the first level is a rare pleasure as it’s nearly impossible to get to that stage without using all  of your lives and continues, just getting past that f*cking helicopter. It’s a joke. Why does this game need to be so bloody hard?

Notable omissions:

• Altered Beast (SEGA Mega Drive, SEGA Master System)
• Streets of Rage 3 (SEGA Mega Drive)
• Vanquish (Xbox 360)
• Ninja Gaiden (NES)
• Double Dragon (SEGA Master System)
• E-SWAT (SEGA Mega Drive)
• Terminator 2 Arcade (Nintendo GameBoy)