Recently on a trip to Germany which I went on, I took a flight from Heathrow Airport in London to Stuttgart International Airport. The flight was ok I suppose, although I’ve never been on a German airline before, and seeing the exit and gas mask instructions in German just made me feel like I was in some kind of Rammstein music video. Or Das Boot. It was strange enough having the cabin crew showing the exits and correct procedure for gas masks, but in German. I was half expecting the food trolleys to be filled with sausages and cold meats.

Anyways, this is probably my fault for having a British upbringing, but I swear the concept of queueing in an orderly fashion is completely lost as soon as you go past the UK border, and I’m very much used to patiently waiting in line for my turn. Like in Alton Towers or Thorpe Park, you wait patiently in line for your turn, for me this is a fundamental concept.

So here I was at passport control having touched down on a horrendously rainy Sunday at Stuttgart airport having touched down at about 5 o’clock German time. By the time I got to the arrivals entrance, it was about 6:30. Why so long? Because everybody barges in. Now it may be naivety on my part (or mein teil in German, learnt that from Rammstein), but surely when you get to the passport control you need to form an orderly queue. Obviously not in Germany. At first I didn’t notice that it was a bum rush for the kiosk like a free autograph signing for Pamela Anderson, but I only seemed to realise how much farther the kiosk was getting. It was only when I noticed that some guy who looked like a fat Oliver Kahn ,who was definitely behind be when entering the terminal, somehow was like 5 people ahead of me, and that the large crowd behind me had mysteriously dissipated. It’s not the fact that everyone in Europe barges in, it’s the fact that because they don’t queue and that’s it accepted, that they’re so subtle about it.

Is it a manners thing? That here in the UK we are taught decorum? Probably, but never have I seen it so vehemently applied. But what was I expected to do? Climb over and barge aside elderly folk? No I don’t think so. I’ve been in plenty of mosh pits, but I didn’t think applying those skills and experience would be appropriate.

Never ever says that on any travel guide does it?!