Don’t you just think that internet dating sites have the premise of doing something right, yet provide a conduit to cater for benign nothingness which leads to inevitable disappointment? I’m not going to lie, I’ve used them before and maybe I’ve approached them completely the wrong way. Anyways, I’m not here to divulge my miscomings on using them, it’s more to the fact that they’re not exactly the premium and modern way of meeting people as the misinformed media depict them as. For a start they charge an extorionate amount of money. For what? Do they actually earn their money by introducing you to someone? No. Instead they arbitrarily send you emails of a faceless entity who lives three counties away but has “the same interests as you”. Right… Ok then maybe they earn their money by hosting your profile in way that people can find you….but seeing that Facebook, MySpace, Bebo, etc do that all for free doesn’t that make it a bit excessive?

I don’t personally think that it’s worth the money you spend but they obviously seem to have a lucrative business bourne out of people’s paranoia of being lonely. Yes I concur that last statement may seem a tad harsh but spending £118 for a 12 month subscription to essentially be able to view profile pictures of women who will never write back seems unnecessarily expensive. The other part of these websites I disagree with is that it caters towards shallow people, or quite frankly provides ammunition to be executed on site. What do I mean by this? I mean that straight from the off, the defining characteristics they display is ethnicity, body size and income. And this is a better way of getting to know someone? Bollocks.

So they give you some space to write about yourself. “Ah ha!” I thought, this is where you can really show your true colours and personality in the paragraph they have provided. So I did what I do. Write about myself and give the best inclination of what I’m about. Problem is that once you’ve tinkered and perfected your finest opening gambit, it goes away for moderation by what I can only imagine to be an adolescent Warcraft player because when it came back and was posted on the profile, it was so dumbed down I’d have been better off writing it in potato prints.

So all that time I actually thought of writing something witty like they suggested, they just turned around and edited out pretty much the majority of the humour?!

All I wrote was: “Hi there! I’ve always been a bit rubbish at describing myself without sounding arrogant but here goes. I’m an easy going guy who’s seemingly on a one-man crusade to prove that not all blokes are complete morons. I’m fed up of watching lecherous imbeciles slope around pubs thinking they can pick up women by digressing the evolutionary ladder. Granted being the anthesis hasn’t proved to be a winning formula, I’d just rather put honesty first. So here’s honesty. Hopefully you can tell that I do actually have a polysyllabic vocabulary and do enjoy decent conversation rather than trying to convey meaning in a series of grunts. I am a gamer and I’m often heard deafening passers by on Rock Band 2. I am also a graduate with a Batchelor’s Degree.”

It’s honest but clearly I’m in the wrong market because people are more interested in how many bottles I can throw at policemen or how many ASBOs I’ve collected in the last 6 months! Why was the above statement moderated? Yeah I can understand that it may come off as arrogant but I was hardly going to pay £118 for a subscription now was I? But the thing with this website is that they try and market it differently and give you a “personality test”. Now this turns out be quite bollocks too because these are the sort of questions they ask you:

What is this? A fucking MENSA puzzle? Which best reflects your view on life? How are you going to read into this? It’s like the only two professions which could have a proper opinion would be a psychologist or a paint expert. It’s a stupid question which in all fairness, did make me laugh. I can’t personally see how you can equate something like that to such an ambiguous subject.

So if your outlook on life was previously a hexadecimal, your personality is a triangle?!? Who would honestly descibe themselves as a triangle unless they had some kind of thing of a toblerone? Or cartoon cheese. I’m pretty sure that if you meet a girl in a pub, geometry is not going to be one the subjects you’ll cover…unless she happens to be a maths teacher.

Now this is probably the funniest one, if the other two made minimal sense, then this one is completely off the scale! Choose your direction…to where? Is this a cryptic geography question? And where is this from the perspective from? I suppose the only correct answer is up? Lateral movement would suggest that you’re a crab and down means you’re a bum? It’s not as if the question is explained.

So after ALL that they give you the profile after taking a large wedge of your money. Is that designed as some kind of intellectual gauntlet they make you run so that you are somehow worthy? No. It’s completely rubbish and a waste of your time!

Plus when you finally DO get on the website the place is littered with fake accounts. Match.com has the winking system designed as an ice breaker of sorts I suppose a bit like the poke in Facebook. I suppose if you gets winked at it’s customary to wink back? Right? So when you click on the profile of the lovely lady who winked at you you’re greeted with an error message of “I’m sorry but the profile you’re looking for is not here”. Now I’d usually put that down as a one off but after five times this happens you start getting pissed off. Especially since you’ve actually paid for a service. The best one was when the same picture winked at me from two completely different profiles. Sounds like a fix doesn’t it? So I thought I’d be funny to write a message back to the duplicate profile only to be told once again that the profile did not exist.

So in summary, I think that dating websites are completely crock and it doesn’t encourage you to meet new people, just confirms that no matter how much money you can throw at something obtainable, it’s all just a huge farce to take your hard earned cash.About as worth it as TEXTING GIRLS IN YOUR AREA…yeah right, and if they’re real, they won’t text back. lol