Today I’d like to express my hatred of public car parks. If you go to town to pick up one thing, you end up driving in a spiral fashion up a 34 storey car park for half an hour just to find somewhere to park. I hate it. Nobody lets you out when you’re trying to leave as if you’re going for the last boat off the Titanic and people have a spatial awareness factor of zero. But that’s just multi-storey car parks, which is interchangeable with large buildings full of fucking morons! Open plan car parks are bloody stupid too, same problems, just no roof. I don’t know what it is but the majority of people lose the ability to remember how to reverse bay park. I always do in car parks because it’s easier to leave if you do it that way, as opposed to waiting about 15 minutes for Mrs Coggins to do a 15 point reverse escape manouevre so you can take her spot.

How hard is it to follow the fucking lines?!?

But general courtesy is devoid also. If you are patiently waiting for someone to reverse out of a spot, you have your indicator on showing that you intend on parking there, quite often some prick from the other direction swerves into the spot, parks up and fucks off, usually shooting you a wry smile. Seeing that I’ve always believed the best comes to those who wait, that just simply isn’t true. I do understand in public places you’re not expected to show any kind of decorum or integrity but that’s just twatty. 9 times out of 10 it’s Billy Chavface and all his rough mates crammed into a Vauxhall Nova like some kind of clown car, or health and safety disaster if you will, which means you won’t say anything because pikeys always hunt in packs and will kick your car into oblivion should you raise your decibels.

I’ve got mad about this before but it’s also selfish twats who decide to park in disabled spots. Usually the stereotype is either soccer mums with something big and inefficient like a BMW X4 or some hoity-toity businessman who believes it’s some kind of devine right to park in a place reserved for disabled people just because he takes home over £100,000 a year. Is it illegal to park in a diabled bay if you’re not disabled? Or is it like disabled toilets where it’s not illegal, you just shouldn’t do it.

Just because you can't park for shit, doesn't mean you're disabled

Finally my last large gripe is parking charges. They have got extortionate over the last few years, charging a ridiculous amount for a mere twenty minutes. Car parks also hike the price up for events too, the Avenged Sevenfold gig costing us £20 for about 4 hours worth of parking. Yes I agree it was convenient, but can you just random slap a price on because you feel like it? The biggest gripe I had was when I went to visit someone in hospital and I was there for an hour and the parking cost me £9. £9 for one hour. Is that reasonable? I was earning £9 an hour at the time! But being a hospital, what if you were there because one of your loved ones was critically ill? It’s a traumatic time but then you turn around and inflict them with a colossal bill? That’s just not on. I thought hospitals were becoming more empathetic with the people.

So in summation, people who own the car parks are wankers. And the people who can’t park properly in them are even biggest wankers.