Everyone in the tenure of their life has had a friend of whom they believed was a good friend, scratch that, their best friend…to only go and fuck you over while their back is turned. Well I’m no different. As you get older you have something called “social attrition”. You don’t have as many friends as you had before but the ones you keep will be with you for the long haul. You know, start going to each other’s weddings, 30th birthdays etc.

Well I had this one friend, who at the time was a very good friend, no even better than that. He was my best friend. The sort of friend you would do anything for. The sort of friend you did anything with. Yeah I knew he was full of bullshit and had a bizarre appetite for turning people against each other. I was always of the opinion that as long as he didn’t do that to me I didn’t give a shit. But then again that is just naive isn’t it?

Alarm bells started ringing after a while that while I was relatively ambivalent with his penchant for bullshit, I realised that this was only a matter of time before it was me in the firing line. In all honestly when we hung out it was a good laugh, we were both good company for each other and in retrospect it was good times and in all honesty, a part of me misses those good times, even if he was full of shit. I always used to try and call his bluff by making up shit and seeing if he’d “remember” it and he always did, and while it was fun for me, he was in essence a liar even when we were being mates.

Sure enough a schism had to occur sooner or later, and this came with the breakup of a girl friend, who in all honesty was a dirty slag and pretty much left me because I didn’t want to sleep with her after dating for two weeks. Anyways the less said about her the better. Well she’d managed to spread some lies about me to try and have some sort of cathartic justification for messing me about and you know what? My so called best mate believed her and managed to turn the majority of my so-called friends against me. Now for someone of whom I’d widely regarded as my brother for so many years to turn around and lead some sort of faux crusade against me is wrong surely? Surely I’m not being a prick here?

But that was just him, he had to be the epicentre of everything and the entire world had to orbit him like some kind of celestial body. When in reality he only really tried to be friends with impressionable people because he was so utterly desperate for everyone to look up to him. I think the fact he tried to get me onside was the fact that I was always viewed as “the clever one”, and without sounding arrogant I was. Well for a start I was the only one with a polysyllabic vocabulary and didn’t just sit in a pub talking about car modifications and breasts.

Anyways, after the furore with the ex-girlfriend happened he clearly realised that he had lost his “sidekick” so back he came martyr style, remorseless of course claiming that he was on some kind of hiatus. Of course this is more pious bullshit and while it was nice being friends again, you couldn’t help but think when was the next time he’s pull a stunt like this.

The answer to that question was a matter of months later and the worst part is that I didn’t see it. Seeing that his desertion left my friendship with him in a slightly tentative and precarious situation with me. Clearly the best way to get back onside with me was to successfully villanise another of my close mates, of whom I subsequently abandoned for a few months. Again knowing full well his penchant for turning people against each other for fun and I bloody fell for it. Hook, line and fucking sinker. I really hate myself for being used like that and when I looked at the situation more objectively, I realised that I’d been the dick. Luckily me and my other friend managed to repair the damage done and clearly this was the beginning of the end.

Sensing this he began to resurrect more seeds of disarray in his continued character assassination of myself as a fall back plan if I was ever going to tell him to fuck off. And this would be inevitable by the time it had started to go wrong with my next girlfriend. I always wondered why she had spontaneously gone form talking to me everyday and being pleased to see me to being awkward and distant and the change was almost overnight. After she and I had gone our separate ways like in the Journey song, I began to question what had catalysed such a vehement reaction. Piecing together all the events in the aftermath of the relationship’s demise I noticed that his correspondance to her was even higher after she’d deleted me from every single social networking site we used to interface with. Now if one of my close friends breaks up with someone, I wouldn’t maintain a higher frequency of correspondance with their ex! That’s not cool. And more to the point is that he denied it when I had unequivocally damning evidence against him. What made it worse for his web of deceit is I confronted her and asked her what was going on only for her to tell me that he’s told her I was obsessed with her. Which would explain the cold shoulder and awkwardness. But the thing that vexed me the most is that what would he have to gain from this? And then I realised. If he was my ONLY friend in contact with her, he’d have me asking him all the time how’s she doing, what’s she said, etc and I’d end up being his puppet again. It’s bad enough I was the private taxi service and bloody cash machine! But bitch? Er no.

I took the liberty of just walking from him. We’d been like blood brothers for so long but at the end of the day, the guy’s just a pathological liar and manipulator. In other words, he’s a royal cunt. I can only allow people to betray me so much before I have to get out, and the worst part is that so many people around me at the time just couldn’t see what a manipulative and deceitful cunt he is. He’s an excellent con artist to his credit and even got me going for a time, turning me against my own loyal friends but as they say you’re always so much wiser in retrospect.

So the aftermath was this, he also cut and ran because I could finally see what he really was and the remaining friends who were still under his influence pretty much became his acolytes. He spread more farfetched lies about me turning the remainder against me with hideous bile.

To this day sources tell me how utterly remorseless he is, partially due to the fact that I don’t think he realises how much grief his lies and stupid fucking games cost me. He’s also a cunning manipulator and like a virus will just move onto the next host once his time is up and he’s squeezed the life out of another unwitting host. Sure when you first meet him he seems like a genuine bloke but when you know what I know and you’ve experienced what I have you come to realise that he’s just a panderer and a flatterer. I do believe that in Dante’s Inferno, people of that nature were sentenced to wander in troughs of shit, grime and vomit.

I don’t think I can put into words as to how much contempt I have for the guy because if there’s one thing I can’t stand is lies. This guy is the biggest deceiver I’ve ever known and while I’ve largely chosen to forget all his misdemeours, I don’t think I can forgive. They say that people get their comeuppance, alas there is no such thing as justice and sadly I don’t think anyone else who doesn’t understand this guy’s track record will ever see him for what he really is. A conniving, deceitful cunt.

Can you blame me for wanting nothing to do with him again?