We’ve all seen the adverts telling us to think bike, think biker but for me that’s a get out clause. Yes I agree that the sentiment behind it is down to the much lower survival rate for a biker in the event of a crash but you have to ask yourself, why do they insist on putting themselves in harm’s way when it’s not needed.

Classic example of this is during rush hour on the motorway. When the three lanes are bumper to bumper, it’s totally acceptable for a biker to go in between lanes to get ahead, I get that. However when the speed of the traffic eventually picks, to say 60 mph, it is no longer acceptable to drive in between lanes to get ahead, that’s just dangerous, because not only are they putting themselves at risk, it’s adding the risk for other road users, but bikers never consider that. Plus in the event of an accident, who is at fault? I’d imagine the idiot who is straddling two lanes thinking he’s Carl Fogarty.

What’s even worse and seems to breed fucking wankers on the road are people who think they’re in the Tour De France. Now most people who use a bicycle on the roads do it properly, they’re just trying to get from A to B. What I do oppose is the tossers in the spandex who insist in taking up the whole fucking side of the road because they’re trying to beat their time to get somewhere. They require a larger area of caution because they’re flailing all over the place and seem to think that roundabouts, traffic lights and lane restrictions just don’t apply to them. What’s worse is if they’re in a group during rush hour. It’s completely irresponsible. Do they pay road tax? No. Then you have even less cause to be such a fucking menace on the roads. I’m sure I’ve told you the story when some fuckwit on a bicycle cut me up and then proceeded to throw the contents of his water bottle on my windscreen as he thought I was encroaching on his line. Turns out he strayed off the cycle path and swerved in front of my car, so he’s the c*nt, not me. He’s lucky I didn’t GTA him off his bike. Twat.

If you’re Chris Froome or Mark Cavendish then maybe. If you’re not, take your spandex and fuck off to the velodrome, because encumbering other road users is irresponsible and frankly fucking stupid. Are you in the Tour De France? No, then fuck off. And are you a pedestrian or a road user? You can’t be both. Choose one and stick to it. Wankers.