One thing I really get irritated about is stupid people.

Maybe that’s not entirely true but it’s when they say stupid things with such conviction and especially in the workplace you are implored to be professional and not make fun. One such occasion in a previous job I was sent a letter from a lady; of whom the company was storing her washing machine, vehemently informing us that she was irate that there was water in the washing machine and the presence of  such would “cause the rubber seal to perish and dissolve”.

Clearly my understanding of rubber has failed despite the numerous GCSEs and A-Levels in the various natural sciences is off tangent if that is true. But rubber perishing in water? For a start wellington boots, waders, and wet suits would be somewhat pointless, not to mention not fit for purpose.Rubber ducks would cease to be amusing for children at bath time as the finite window for enjoyment would diminish rapidly. Similarly car tyres would make wet weather driving even more perilous than before as car wheels would be reduced to rims during a deluge.

I understand that people think they can make up shit in a complaint so that they can sound like they have some advantage, but seriously? You’re using THAT as a spearhead for a complaint? And furthermore, where does rubber come from? Trees in a RAINforest. Idiot.

But I am a man of science, so therefore I would love to suggest to that stupid woman an experiment. Place an elastic band in a glass of water for a prolonged period of time and see how it deteriorates compared to an elastic band left in an arid environment such as in the direct sunlight on a window sill. See which one breaks down quicker. I’ll give you a clue, it isn’t the wet one.

So in summation, people complaining is one thing, but to use the primary focus of your argument on crassly flawed science is another. Despite the mitigating factor that this cretinous woman was from Portsmouth, there’s not many stupider things I’ve been told yet unable to retaliate.

Hypothesis: rubber is waterproof, except in Portsmouth where it dissolves