It has become apparent to me, especially on the way back from my trip to the Midlands, that the roads in this country are not polluted with toxic emissions, but fucking stupidity every step in every aspect.

The roads themselves are pot holed to buggery and I just can’t understand how this situation has managed to manifest itself so prominently in the last few years. The roads themselves are constantly maligned with “workmen” every 5 miles or so no wonder that congestion in rush hour traffic is such a major issue.

It’s incredible that on some days a simple 7 miles trip can cause you to traverse at least four sets of temporary traffic lights and takes about 45 minutes. You stop for excruciating long lengths of time and when you have a look to see what your impediment is, all you see is a bunch of blokes, standing around in reflective jackets either drinking something or pointing. Granted my personal expertise on laying roads probably isn’t as high as theirs but I’m pretty certain standing still in a communal reverie isn’t going to complete in the job in the most efficient amount of time. It’s the same way that it will take about 5 weeks to relay the surface of a 100 yard stretch of road. But the main thing that pisses me off about roadworks is that they erect a large sign which states that the road is closed for “essential roadworks”. Essential eh? Then why aren’t you working on it 24/7 and all hours of the morning? Not that fucking essential then is it? If it was as life threatening as their gallish signs suggest then surely it would be imperative to have the job completed as swiftly as possible. Seriously think to yourself, when have driven past a closed section of road and noticed more than 40% of the people there actually doing something constructive?

The other problem on the roads is the plethora of stupid drivers. Ranging from the person who stops at every roundabout because there may be a mosquito looking to cut in to the 17 year old knucklehead who thinks their Vauxhall Corsa is a DB9, the roads and motorways are populated by idiots. Whilst driving south down the motorway in the torrential rain I just can’t believe that some people feel its prudent to drive in excess of 100mph when visibility is so poor that you’d have a better range of vision during a cum storm in an elephant orgy. And the worst part is that sod’s law dictates that that twat will hit your car when you’ve been obeying the laws of the motorway. And the c-unit probably isn’t insured!Don’t get me wrong, the drivers over here are better than Spain, mainly because Destruction Derby on the M6 will just cause a myriad of letters being written to the Daily Mail, whereas in Spain, no one bothers reading.

It’s the same way that perhaps through some scientific phenomenon that large car parks have the ability to extract most people’s sense of spatial awareness. Why is it that even when you’re driving at sub-20mph that some soccer mum in her 4×4 behemoth will pull out in front of you and give YOU the funny look for having the audacity of having the right of way. I understand that visibility in the stratosphere isn’t as good as down with the rest of us but why do you need a 4×4? If you lived in Dartmoor fair enough, but in the middle of the city, it’s completely pointless. Unless you’re a dick.

Hypothesis: 75% of people can’t drive for shit

Addendum 14/10/2010