Synyster Graves

Spoilers: Rubber

by on Sep.16, 2011, under Spoiler Alert!

** Disclaimer: This rant includes spoilers so I strongly suggest that if you do actually want to watch this film and attempt to enjoy it by all means but you should probably stop reading this article. This is not designed to ruin everyone else’s enjoyment, but stops them wasting hours of their lives on films I perceived to being a bit poo. While I may not discuss the entire plot, there will be elements whereby any attempt to create a facade by the film will be shattered. You have been warned! **

If you were to tell me about a film which had an inconspicuous serial killer I’d be interested. If you were then to tell me that the killer would be a rubber tyre I would laugh in your face and presume that it is a stupid joke. However, this is no joke. This film is a complete pile of nonsense with a side order of stupid.

Why it’s crap

Why should you watch this film? No reason. Too right.

The fact that the opening scene is totally random and almost tries to explain that the film is not meant to make sense doesn’t manage to allude the fact that this film is a pile of shite. It begins with a meandering car whereby a cop who looks like James Woods gets out the car and monologues incessantly about how nothing in movies really makes sense and everything fundamentally has “no reason”.  There are no well known actors and general surrealistic scenario of the film whereby you are watching people, watching a “film” through some binoculars. They are watching the events unfold of an inanimate rubber tyre, discarded in the desert, suddenly gets up and rolls off.

That alone in itself as a concept is totally stupid. The stupid vein then ramps up exponentially by it showing it’s almost playful yet murderous intent by crushing metal cans and scorpions. When it reaches a glass bottle and is unable run it over, it then gain the ability to telekinetically vanquish the bottle. At this point about 99% of the audience will exclaim “WHAT?”. The tyre vibrates and makes a rattlesnake noise before it’s intended target exploding into oblivion. Now I’m pretty random, so random humour suits me well. However this is just too stupid even for me, as the tyre then starts ramping up it’s prey and moves on to psionically eviscerate a rabbit.

Here you can watch people...erm...watching people?

While there sustains a sub-plot whereby they are trying to kill off the in film audience (not you at home) by poisoning them to kill them off. By which the “game” would be over and the surrealism can stop. Reading that sentence back to myself I realise that this makes no sense, but then again the guy at the beginning of the film was hammering home the fact that this is no supposed to make sense. The tyre rolls off and seemingly starts for follow a very attractive girl, of whom is seen in the obligatory shower scene to which the tyre follows like a masturbating peeping Tom. By this point it’s trail of destruction from the people it has made explode has acquired the attentions of the law and has an entire police patrol after it after it has made some local people’s head explode like a psychic Fist of The North Star. After trying to coerce the rubber tyre, which has a penchant for watching television, out of the motel, the head copper goes in and shoots it with a shotgun, erstwhile the surviving “spectator” now has rolled up in his wheelchair and it physically interacting with “the movie” he is watching. I want to give points for creativity, but I also want to introduce my face to my fist for suggesting that.

Worst car chase ever.

In an inexplicably stupider turn of events following the demise of the rubber tyre, the rampaging telekinetic murderer is reincarnated as tricycle, the ending seeing a plethora of usually inanimate objects with wheels rolling down the street like a triumphant posse in a Wild West film. I don’t care how many times the fourth wall is broken and one of the actors addresses you the watchers at home that you cannot take this seriously and everything is a consequence of “no reason”, it cannot masquerade as a decent film.


This film is a gratuitous waste of time and again, out of sheer curiosity, it is not worth wasting the two hours or so of your life. While it’s feeble attempts to create the impression that you should doubt what you know as it is a consequence of zero reasoning, I find myself without a single decent reason to say anything good about this abominable pile of shit. It’s not stylish its shit, and yes I did understand it, and I think it’s shit, but it’s still better than Human Centipede.

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1 Comment for this entry

  • McGizzle

    Bahaha Not a fan then? In defense of the film, the camera work is quite beautiful and if you spend the majority of the time remembering that the film is designed to ridicule art-house culture then is adds a mildly comical twist to it (at least for the first 10 minutes).

    I do have to admit, I spent the entire film expecting something to happen, and then it got to the end and nothing did. All I can say is, thank god it wasn’t any longer!

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