Synyster Graves

Grand Theft Bullshit

by on Nov.11, 2010, under Games vs "Science"

Continuing on my crusade to fight back against the video game hate mob, I stumbled across this further condemnation of games. It’s a book which came out called Grand Theft Childhood, which grammatically is a bit wrong technically but nevermind these guys are “scientists” so they know what they’re talking about? Or do you think this is more objective propaganda from people with PhDs in voyeurism?

Anyways, I stumbled across the website for this book and before I could do my usual dissection of the content, I noticed that I couldn’t highlight any of the text, presumably because they’re afraid of people plagiarising the words in the name of satire. Anyways, one quick Alt+PrtScn later and I have some exerpts for you, and as usual here‘s a link to the website (side note, I love the way the girl is holding a Wii remote, unless they’re playing MadWorld where you can kill cartoon characters):

Now this made me laugh. Essentially this mother of twins is admitting being a rubbish parent in the first instant. Why buy your duaghter an unmonitored LAPTOP. What’s wrong with a desktop on a LAN? Why do you have to have a laptop with wireless and then moan about the potential consequences? I’m assuming her children are both minors yeah? Then a) why provide them with the tools to “talk to strangers” and b) why buy them a game involving killing people? I can’t think of any game with the exception of possibly Manhunt on the PS2 whereby the raison d’etre of the game is just aimlessly kill people. Just like films or other media, there are ratings for a fucking reason. Children shouldn’t be exposed to this. If parents actually acted responsibly, then there wouldn’t be a problem. Do your fucking research, don’t blame something else after it’s happened. Plus if your child is a bit mental then just put them in front of Bubble Bobble. Sega Master Systems are quite cheap now you know.

“Surprised, encouranged and sometimes alarmed”…well what fucking alarmed me was the fact that they managed to weasel $1.5million out of the Department of Justice. When we’re in a global economic crisis and they’re spending money on this pap? Can we also point out that this study was done in America, and it’s ironic they’re condemning video games yet it’s alright to carry a gun around with you. Plus I like the way they say they don’t express the views of the alarmists yet perpetuate their ridiculous claims.

This is my personal favourite. I would love to play a game involving violence, gore and sex…seeing that I can’t think of any game which involves all three, just gives me connotations of watching tv on channel 5 about 11:30 at night instead. So if they’re subtle, what can it be if not the aforementioned? Competitiveness possibly? Well you can find competitiveness in anything including school sports. But no one ever seems to harp on about how encouraging your kids that winning is everything is less detrimental than driving a virtual car about. And for a start when have you ever driven a car with control pad in real life? If your kids cannot differentiate between fantasy and reality, and then you buy them a game which is explicitly stated as being unsuitable, then you have failed as a parent. No blame on anything else, just you.

My final thought I’d like to pose to you. Violence has existed in human society since the dawn of time. War, murder and pillaging were the way of the world before this “civilised” society. Did you think Alexander the Great got his thirst for conquest after playing C&C:Red Alert? Was Adolf Hitler a fan of Modern Warfare? Was Ted Bundy on the leaderboard for Grand Theft Auto 4? If you answered yes to any of these in your head, then you are an ignorant cunt and this book is perfect for you.

Stop vilifying games under the pretence of research. I understand the premise of the book, but I don’t like being tarred with the same brush as other irresponsible idiots. As with every single different kind of media in the world, it’s all about moderation. Censorship exists for a reason, you can’t blame your own irresponsibilities on someone else’s work. I understand that creating a guide for naive parents is a good idea, but I’m just sick of everyone jumping on the video game hate wagon when they don’t know all the facts.

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