Synyster Graves

Mirror’s Edge

by on Apr.30, 2010, under Xbox 360

I personally have always been a fan of open world games, so when I heard that a parkour game was coming out I was intrigued. From the days of myself and Freqmaster playing GTA on free roam and free running over the tops of the shopping precinct was amazing fun so I just had to give Mirror’s Edge a go. It was billed by EA as a revolutionary game as no-one had done something like this before.

What I didn’t read before I played it and came to my dismay was that the game was totally in the first person. Nevermind, I thought I’m sure the game will be immersive so I won’t even notice and once I get in the flow I won’t even notice. Well no. The first thing you notice is that the entire scenery in the whole game is pastel white except for the occasional orange barrel here and there and blue skyline. The other thing that you notice is that the first person perspective really fucks up your timing for the jumps as you can never gauge where the level you’re standing on finishes. I can see how it seemed like a good idea in concept but being in first person makes it so difficult plus actual free runners have something called “spatial awareness”. So unsurprisingly you will die a good 8,000 times and each time it just makes you that little bit more frustrated. Plus despite the game’s attempts to help you out but having the ledges you’re supposed to assail, it still doesn’t make it any easier to navigate, especially when you’re taking enemy fire.

Which brings me to my next point, the combat in this game is fucking terrible. I concur that the game isn’t designed for Call of Duty style shooting sequences, doesn’t mean they have to make it completely shite! You can Jackie Chan style flying kick guards only for them to absorb the initial blow. It’s like shooting a sponge with a water pistol. Oh but it gets worse than that. Once you’ve managed to take their weapon, it has like 3 rounds left and you can’t really kill anyone with it. This is another game which suffers from the enemy never reloading. You can go into cover and they will seem to have a clip with infinite rounds in it, like if they were wearing Solid Snake’s headband perk. The instant you make a break for it and take them out, take their weapon, there’s fuck all ammunition left in it. Now I hardly think the probability of every gun you pick up having no ammunition is so slight so it’s obviously an implementation by the game designer…a fucking crap one. Why put guns you can pick up in it if they won’t let you fire one. It’s there but Mr Developer tells you to go and fuck yourself. It’s the same as if you walked past a patisserie and while you’re admiring the cakes, the chef comes out and burps in your face.

Going back to the free running, seeing that’s the crux of the game engine, half the places you’re supposed to get to are nearly impossible and you have to do a complicated combination of surreal moves. Not only are these not obvious because I’m not a FUCKING PROFESSIONAL FREE RUNNER and secondly I’m not fucking SPIDERMAN! I mean the storyline is diluted to fuck and verges on the ridiculous on how injustice is going to be solved by a free runner when you could have been a fully armed vigilante, rather than being an emaciated Cleopatra lookalike.

This game also needs padding out which is why they decided to include the challenge mode. Now why would I revisit all the ghastly levels which I cursed from start to finish? And certainly against insurmountable time limits. It’s just fucking stupid and doesn’t make any sense. It’s the same that Batman: Arkham Asylum was ruined by stupid challenge modes just to give a bit of lastability in the game. If you want people to revisit a game, make it multiplayer!

So in conclusion, this game was complete tripe and if you’re desperately seeking a fun parkour game I strongly recommend looking into getting either Prototype or Crackdown. Slightly more unrealistic I agree, but at least they’re fun….and not shit.

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