Synyster Graves

“As Heard on Glee”…

by on Sep.14, 2012, under General Rants

The phrase “as heard on Glee” is one that, for me, can only be followed by “fuck off you twat” in my opinion.

This certainly was the case when I purchased some sheet music online for Journey’s “Faithfully”, woefully bedecked on the front cover with “as heard on Glee”. Seeing that I have no intention of seeing arguably the greatest power ballad of all time painfully dismantled into my ears by that simply awful show, after all it was these horrifically gay singing kids which did the worst injustice of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” by turning it from a rock classic into cheesy and frankly insufferable garbage. But no, curiosity got the better of me and instead of blissful ignorance, I witnessed a hat trick of Glee murder as they shamelessly murdered “Faithfully”, “Any Way You Want It” and “Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin” in one fell swoop.

That was two years ago, and now even the word “Glee” I find¬†deeply offensive, but mainly what it stands for; people with no originality who have to take great songs and make them unequivocally shit, FOR MONEY. Yes all you people who actually like this audible horseshit, they don’t give a flying shit about the music, they’re doing it for sales. That’s why the market is flooded with awful music in this current day in age. I’ve seen people argue that Glee is a good thing as it’s exposed kids to good music, well I whole heartedly disagree with that entirely, as it’s basically saying if you don’t spoonfeed a dog it will starve to death. Of course not, it will find it eventually under its own steam. If the show was true to it’s alleged nature, then the entire catalog of show tunes throughout the history of shows and theatre is more than enough to keep the Glee-money-making machine rolling along, but no, they have to offend people’s favourite songs, the songs that mean a lot to them, and turn it into musical abomination.

Which brings me to the crux of today’s rant. Over the last year I’ve really got into the band Halestorm. Since I bought their first album after hearing the song “I Get Off”, I’ve been pretty hooked ever since, and not just because Lzzy Hale happens to be the coolest and one of the most attractive front women in the history of rock, but because they’re a band who’s gutsy sound really appeals to me, and got even better with their second album “A Strange Case Of…”, and suffice to say it’s one of those albums which hasn’t left my car since I bought it. I had a marathon session of watching all their videos on YouTube, but that’s where my heart sank. On one of the videos, specifically “Here’s To Us”, it had the dreaded “as seen on Glee”. Not again. Yep. And sure enough I’ve seen hundreds of YouTube videos with that shrieking and irritating girl with the big nose continue to MURDER a truly great song. When will this end? What’s worse is that the Glee version changes the words to remove all the expletives. Well if you ask me, a cover version should do justice to the original song. Changing the words removes the grittiness and a real two-fingered emphasis that this song brings, thus rendering it totally¬†pointless, and Glee as usual have totally missed the point. There is an element of disappointment that Halestorm’s official YouTube account have chosen to use it to market the new album, but I guess since there are hundreds and thousands of fucking idiots out there who like Glee, it brings it to market.

I still remain an avid Halestorm fan but cannot deny how irritated I am that Glee have chosen to completely ruin a song I really like. As I’ve said over and over again there are thousands of show tunes from musicals and shitty pop songs which deserve to be ruined by the warbling song murderers but please leave great rock songs alone. I can’t work out which I hate more, the show, or the people who like/watch the show, the latter being (by an overwhelming majority except for maybe one or two) people who are just moronic c*nts who understand fuck all about music. Glee have a lot to account for in ruining good music just to make money. I’m not happy about it at all and I’m gutted that another one of my favourite bands in Halestorm, have been condemned to have a horrendously shit rendition splurged all over Glee, sung by a motley band of irritating fuckwits. Glee, for the sake of music, fuck off.

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