The thing I never really understood by today’s society is that the general indecisiveness and inconsistency of idealism for guys to portray to the opposite sex is quite frankly a headache and a clusterfuck. While I am a child of the dark side overall I’m genuinely a nice guy. So why is it that I constantly get overlooked? Yes I concur that the deep emo undertones will put anyone off but since I only became more emo because of what happened to me in the past, surely there was a point where I was at the same level playing field as everyone else?

I’ve always considered myself to be a social spectator, I notice lots of things that usually are trivial but being who I am tend to comment to myself about. The prime example on this is that the vast majority of attractive girls I see out and about are always on the arm of well, a dickhead. Now it would far too jejune of yourself to derive the assumption that that classification is borne straight out of jealousy so I will now proceed to justify myself, as the classification of dickhead takes many permutations.

• Any bloke who’s sole line of conversation is akin to how big their biceps are intolerable, especially when they cannot use correct grammar to illustrate what their trying to say, instead substituting vocabulary in favour of Hulk Hogan poses. While I’m sure they would have the strength to survive to in a Darwinesque world, I severely doubt they have the cognitive stamina to survive.
• Following on from the previous argument, any bloke who’s sole purpose in life is to be the hardest person on their estate is well, stage 2 I guess, a fucking dickhead. I understand that in today’s society it is deemed necessary to carry firearms and weaponry for “protection”, well what happened to bravery. You can’t be very brave if you need a weapon to show how hard you are.
• Any bloke with no manners is a dickhead. Yes maybe I’m old fashioned and while I’m not exactly going to paradigm Sir Walter Raleigh, I don’t see anything wrong with holding doors open for other people and generally being polite. I don’t see how acting like a cunt can be endearing. Surely anyone lacking simple integrity is off-putting?
• Any bloke who modifies his car so that the exhaust sounds like a V2 Rocket is a dickhead. I mean come on, that’s just embarrassing and surely just attracts unwanted attention? If want a sports car, buy one. The ruse is utterly stupid and quite frankly retarded.
• Any bloke who hits a woman is a dickhead to the power of infinity…plus one. Seriously, that’s fucking disgraceful. I’ve heard of women who go on about how their boyfriend is abusive either verbally or physically. Seriously, bottom line, not cool.
• Any bloke wearing flip-flops is a complete tool. Unless you live in a hot country like Italy, you just look ridiculous!
• Any bloke who seem to only communicate via the medium of football chants, which are made up especially is a twat. Is it a rite of passage to sing at random people in the pub, fucking stupid if you ask me.

I’m sure I can think of more stupid idiosyncrasies but I can safely say that I don’t do any of the above. Drinking as much as you humanly can is not exactly a way of proving your manhood is it? It just makes you look like a drunk ‘tard and in the end you end up so incapable you just look like someone’s thrown you out of a wheelchair.I’m all up for drinking don’t get me wrong, but the environments like nightclubs seem to encourage people to get bladdered under the canopy of inaudible beats and this is where society’s mating ground belies? You’re hardly at your best and you’ll end up with an intoxicated spanner to take home to your mum. I mean come on, anyone you meet in town is hardly going to be the proverbial “catch” are they? No, 90% of they’re going to be a cunt!

I was clearly born in the wrong chronological time as I like to treat my lady well and certainly hope they appreciate it. Maybe it’s because I’m a safe option. I certainly won’t act like a primeval cunt to impress anyone and it’s obviously just testament to the fact that the shallow society we live does not appreciate gentlemen. Women watch all these stupid movies and go on about how they like gentlemen, when in reality, they’re only drawn towards fucking idiots. Is it because I’m not this archetypal “bad boy” and what the fuck is the attraction in that? Is it the challenge of trying to make them acceptable in society? Rather than have them linger with the rest of the troglodytes in Retardville. I don’t get it. Polish a turd and all…

Yes I’m an emo, but you can guarantee I’m probably better than the average skinheaded moron you’ll meet in a club. The answer is obviously I haven’t met the right girl yet but in all truth if society is coercing them towards choosing to be with dickheads, then maybe it’s better on my own.