“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”

Dante Aligheri got it right, he devised a system of ironic punishments for people going to Hell. Well after having a few awful people on Xbox Live and seeing that the avoid system just doesn’t work at all, I thought I would display their gamertags and online names here. Recently this has also been extended to tw*ts on forums too, because as a faceless entity from hiding behind the internet, the human race shows it’s ugly side and has gobby morons polluting my personal space with their spiteful and often misguided idiotics. And some people are just rude.

It’s shameful being a cheat online and frankly it’s a sign that you’re just a tw*t anyways. Lose gracefully and have fun, because that’s all Xbox is, fun. But some people out there are just spineless cheats. Below are the following charged with being online wankers. As the negative feedback option by Microsoft just doesn’t work at all, it is necessary to name and shame the following dishonourable gamers who are too despicable to be referred to as gamers and have managed to piss off one of the team for one of the following reasons:

Circle #1

Rage Quitters

(The most shameful of all online sins, these are the souls who sever the link with you when you’re beating them instead of lose gracefully. Unfortunately most games programmers don’t acknowledge that people perpetually terminate sessions when they’re losing so you never get credited with a default win. People who quit before the game finishes are a huge discredit to the rest of us who play fairly. The following people have displayed acts of unsolicited spinelessness and should be condemned for the most disgraceful act of online gaming):

	kooqla (Tekken 6, 20/2/2011)
	titere22 (Street Fighter IV, 25/02/2011)
	PL MIHA 1 (Resident Evil 5, 23/03/2011)
	X CrazzyZebra X (Resident Evil 5, 03/04/2011)
	xXxdogeatdogxXx (Resident Evil 5, 03/04/2011)
	FiggyWiggyWoo (Tekken 6, 04/04/2011)

Circle #2

“Billy One Move” Fanatics

(Also known as the same move over and over and over again on a beat ’em up game. It doesn’t make you good, it makes you a dick, or autistic, you decide. Win or lose, a continuous chain of hadoukens for example, doesn’t make you a good player, it just makes you a boring shit. True it’s not cheating per se, but nobody ever remembered someone as a good player by doing the SAME THING over and over again. Beat ’em ups like Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat and Tekken are an art form, identical move spamming just ruins it all and makes it monotonous. We know winning is everything to these souls, it’s just a shame that the rest of us have to tolerate their carbon copied repertoire):

	KTM1000 (Tekken 6, 22/02/2011)
	CursoryDig34 (GTA5, 15/12/2013)

Circle #3

Campers / Spawn Killers/ Cowards

(The following souls were too cowardly to play properly and spent the entire deathmatch hiding away and sitting on the best weapons instead of fighting/dying with honour.  Campers will never leave their safe haven even if it makes the game a bit boring, because they know they are almost impregnable by refusing to move from the top of their tower. This also includes the social lifeless losers who memorise where the spawn points are on a map, only to greet you with a single headshot from a sniper rifle. Similarly setting up camp on top of a tower armed with a rocket launcher is in an identical regard. Coward.):

Opalord (Red Faction: Guerilla, 19/02/2011)

 

Circle #4

Mouthy C*nts

(The following were unneccessarily abusive in either diction or message. Calling someone shit repeatedly after you’ve just beaten them makes them to be nothing more than a complete c*nt. Also feeling it necessary to blast music or abuse down an xbox microphone to put someone off is just completely lame. People come on to Xbox to enjoy a game, not be verbally abused by some American kid who thinks that calling everyone a “douche” will put them off so they can win. There is no need to act with such discourtesy, such behaviour is just indicative of a tw*t.  You deserve to be named and shamed you awful c*nts. The following c*nts have given me online verbals and  should f*ck off):

	ilCORVOdelaVEGA (Grand Theft Auto 5, 17/11/2013) this stupid little prick pretty much was the epitome of bad winner. Sure he can win a race from starting in pole position and push everyone out the way, but to send a message after he’s won calling me a noob even though I’m a higher level? I wonder if his mum knows he plays a game full of naughty language when she’s not beating him.
	DEATHSQUAD X13 (Resident Evil 5, 03/04/2011)
	wednesday4life (TotalFootballForums.com) this guy is a nasty c*nt who actually thinks he knows everything because he copy and pastes from Wikipedia and claims it as his own just to troll people. Here’s a picture of him touching himself inappropriately, probably whilst listening to Westlife. What a ladykiller…
	TpX_OMGenocide (Playfire.com) Really abusive fat prick who thinks this website is shit apparenly. I think he should stop being fat and wanking to pictures of livestock. Word!
	mitchjay1992 (Playfire.com)
	Fr0stMyCupcakes (Playfire.com)
	xBL00DY_PSYCH0x (Playfire.com)
	XI_Psicosis_IX (Playfire.com)
	THEWALK1NGDE4D(Playfire.com)
	ljlrj (Playfire.com)

 

Circle #5

Stat Modders / Exploiters

(Have you ever wondered how someone has killed you immediately in one hit when you have the same weapon, yet you have pumped them full of lead and they’re still alive? That’s because they’re f*cking cheats. The souls who have managed to hack the game and don’t play by the rules of the game, like on Left 4 Dead or Call of Duty for example. If you think there is something fishy about the way someone is playing, there most probably is, because they can’t win fairly, they have to cheat. People also causing a lag by opening high bandwidth applications on a PC are just bloody cheats also. Other tell tale signs other players who can blow up an entire base armed with just a pea shooter. There are also people who have managed to get onto a time attack leaderboard, completing a level in a time of under 2 seconds, and if that’s not cheating I don’t know what is! It’s cheating no matter which way you look at it and exploiting a game doesn’t make you a good player):

	robell70 (Resident Evil 5)
	MILLENIUM F0RCE (Resident Evil 5)

Circle #6

Gamers Not Hugged Enough As Children / Bad Fucking Losers

(These are the souls who play completely out of the spirit of the game. Players who will run around trying to ruin the game for everyone else when everyone who is playing just is after a good time, only to get one (or many) online pricks trying to make everyone mad by going against the point of playing together. I can only assume that these people were/are bullied at school which result in suc anti-social behaviour towards other gamers who are playing for fun, as opposed to people who go online to be, well,  c*nts. These lowest echelons of dignity and society ladies and gentlemen, are listed below):

	SlinkMicky35 (Resident Evil 5, 24/03/2011)
	Geoxxi (Grand Theft Auto 5, 05/03/2017)
	Alvaru8 (Grand Theft Auto 5, 04/03/2017)
	eXzoNa (Grand Theft Auto 5, 06/03/2017)