Synyster Graves

World Cup Candidate: North Korea

by on Dec.09, 2010, under Blepp Splatter's World Cup

Blepp Splatter’s quest to bring football to all corners of the world, regardless whether they give a flying fuck has brought us to our first candidate; the happy and friendly country of The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

Welcome to The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea!

Here the stadia of such household domestic teams such as April 25, Amrokgang Sports Team and current champions Kyonggongop Sports Team will provide the backdrop of a fantastic tournament filled with wonder and excitement.

Opening ceremony will be held in Pyongyang where leader Kim Jong-Il will signal the games starting with the firing of fireworks, about 400 tons of Uranium fireworks that is, probably at an island just off neighbouring South Korea marking unity in the far east. We also are planning a huge show for the start of the tournament including whale baiting, public torture and the beheading of traitors.

The denizens of Pyongyang will be forced encouraged to enjoy the celebrations as we expect to see a flood of DPR Korea shirts lining the streets, the rest we assume will be working somewhere, possibly rural.

Security will not be an issue as the Korean Military are efficient and don’t stand for any nonsense. Crowd trouble will not be an issue as all stewards are armed with AK-47 style Kalashnikov carbine rifles for protection.

Food during matches will be rationed and we hope you have stomach for rice because if you do manage to eat, that’s all you’ll get. That and hot dogs, which are literally dogs which have been immolated in our swanky streets kitchens by the friendly locals distributing free napalm.

Accommodation will be provided in shanty towns made of corrigated iron which is perfect rickshaw distance from all the games and fans can travel safely to each game escorted by armed guards.

So in conclusion Mr Splatter, please consider our fine country for hosting the World Cup.

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