Blepp Splatter’s insistence on bringing football to all the corners of the world has led us here, to the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia…

Dear Mr Blepp Splatter. We are a candidate for NATO and for the EU and now we wish to be a candidate for the World Cup as well. We are the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.

Our mountainous terrain provide an area of outstanding natural beauty and our former communist architects have been working hard on building people’s stadium with your choice of flood-lighting or heating – or simply go the old fashioned way and use candle light and fires from all the flares we launch at the players. Both great success!

We have no real trains and not many cars, but our great many unemployed peoples can be given FIFA jobs to give piggy-backs to players and supporters to travel over the mountains to matches for only a small number of dinar – or some food, many people very hungry.

As you know, Balkans is a peaceful region, with no civil war or genocide for at least 10 years. If any troubles happens, just give police carton of American cigarettes, problem goes bye-byes.

Our glorious nation can host marvellous World Cup for make benefit the peoples of Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.

We have submitted this request with some musaka and some tavce gravce – national dish of Macedonia. Also bottle of rakia – drink to make happy! Please enjoy while reading our bid which we prepare on state of the arts Hewlett Pacard 386.