Synyster Graves

I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change…

by on Oct.26, 2010, under Emo Rants

One thing I have learned from past experience is that being yourself is the most important thing, certainly when you start any kind of relationship. I had an ex-girlfriend once who basically totally turned into someone she wasn’t. I’m not going to lie, I was massively on the rebound from a previous long term relationship and still massively hurting. I didn’t really notice her in that way too much when I first got to know her, she was just someone who worked with a lot of my friends. I didn’t really speak to her a lot as when we did we just didn’t have anything really in common.

And then she changed. Within about a month she had gone from being the opposite of me to being into the same things, literally. Everything I was into, she was into whether it was films, music and games. Yes games! Anyways, me being a foolish adolescent fell for such soporific charms and we got together for a bit. The problem was she started to show her true colours after a few weeks and clearly the facade she’d created about herself to try and make her totally compatible with me was waning. We broke up after she cheated on me with her chav of an ex-boyfriend, but that wasn’t enough. She actually managed to turn a large proportion of my friends against me and made me out to be some kind of sociopathic nightmare. But that was in the past and I suppose you look at it from the perspective of knowing who your real friends are. It was my fault entirely, I allowed myself to get sucked by a really fake and superficial idiot and I ended up paying the consequences.

I guess the moral of this story is about being yourself. I wouldn’t have cared if she didn’t like everything I’m into, I guess life is all about variety and I’m not so close minded that I’ll shun someone because they have different interests. But what has made me very wary now is people not being true to themselves. Because that will never last. If you naturally are like someone then fair enough, but trying to mould yourself to another’s personality creates a foundation of deceit regardless of whether the intentions are true or not. In my case, not but that was a one off I’m hoping.

It reminds me of the film Single White Female with Bridgette Fonda, where she gets a new housemate who slowly over time actually tries to become her. I suppose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but nevertheless if you want to be attracted to someone you’re looking more for a partner rather than a twin. But taking S.W.F. as the example, my ex within a month of her deciding to snare me had all of a sudden started wearing fingerless gloves, dyed her hair black and spontaneously was a big fan of Alkaline Trio and My Chemical Romance. Either she’d had got a personality transplant or she was trying to “make” herself compatible with me. Now that I realise that from a retrospective stance, it’s pretty creepy, but I guess it had to happen to make me realise how fake some people are. I am my own person, and it’s taken a me a long time finalise how I want to be like. Everything happens for a reason which is why I have certain idiosyncracies, but doesn’t take away from the fact that someone trying to be me is a little unnerving.

They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and while I had a couple of months in mourning of the demise of that relationship, I’ve come through it knowing that no matter who I’m with, I will always be myself. Being true to yourself is paramount as being someone you’re not will wear off eventually, no matter how well you hide it. The best attitude I’ve taken from this is that if you don’t like what or who I am, then you’re not worth my time.


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