Synyster Graves

Come break me down, bury me, bury me…

by on Oct.01, 2010, under Emo Rants

I was thinking the other about how fucking bullshit the notion of “going on a break” is. Now in personal experience it’s definitely a female thing which for me, gets filed adjacent to the pile of thundercack that is “having your cake and eating it”.

Several past relationships I’ve had seem to have reached exodus with the idea that going on a break is the best way forward because due to “mitigating” circumstances the relationship should be put on hold. But my arguement is this. You’re either with someone or you’re not. Its simple, a boolean algorithm if you will. Yes or No. So where the fuck did this mediatory limbo get conjured from? The structure of it is so inexorably wafer that any justification applied is just pure bollocks. But it still gets used all the time and I personally have been on the receiving end of it twice, and twice it turned out to be a cotton candy facade for actually breaking up. Period. And besides, it’s not a mutual thing. She’s decided to get rid of you ages ago and has come to terms with it by the time they turf you out their lives. Whereas you’re sitting there trying to remember what life was like prior to ever meeting them. And the worst part for me is that when you try and get closure, they just don’t want to know. They’ve had their closure, they’re sorted in their heads, but you on the other hand have had one hell of a bombshell go off and before you’ve even had time to react and contemplate what the fuck has just happened, they want to know if you’re ok and before you can answer they’ve assumed you’re fine and fucked off with your replacement. Surely the definition of a break is a brief hiatus while a situation is sorted. When in reality its a drawn out pile of shit as a substitute for being honest.

I personally have never been sold on the idea of off and on relationships so as far as I’m aware because in my opinion if you are into someone, you never want to be apart too long. Yes I realise that’s very old fashioned but I’m not a cunt. But this whole stupid fucking going on a break also seems to be also a trial period for your girlfriend to start thinking about someone else they’ve seen and manage to alleviate all elements of guilt they’ve been having. They always claim that “they never want to hurt you” but in fact they would rather convince themselves they’ve done nothing wrong when in reality they’ve pulled your still beating heart out your chest. And that’s what makes me mad most of all. It’s never THEIR fault. They’ve gone off you for some reason or another and instead of be honest with you, they’ll act like their single when you’re not around as their eyes wander per se. And when they’re ridiculous audition to find your replacement is complete they tell you they want to go on a break because they just don’t have the guts to tell you to your face that they don’t love you anymore.

If a bloke doesn’t want to be with someone, he breaks up with them. They don’t create a languid affair whereby neither party is sure what’s going on. I’m not saying blokes are perfect, they’re not. But at least they’re honest about it, well some are like me. But that’s what this stupid break scenario highlights. Fucking honesty. If you don’t want to be with them, then don’t. And if you’ve found someone else, then as much as it will hurt the other person, let them know. Because finding out from someone else is one hell of a cockslap worse!

And then they turn around and want to be friends afterwards, but never consider how you may feel when they get a new boyfriend and while you’re still holding them in the highest regard, they’ve essentially forgotten their feelings for you and moved onto another. I cannot understand how women seem to think you’ll be cool meeting their new boyfriend when they’ve literally just broken up with you. It’s fucking senseless. If you’ve loved someone, once they’ve thrown you away, you can’t be friends. It just doesn’t work.


7 Comments for this entry

  • TenuousRose

    I agree… Going on a break is bullshit. Once one of you has made the decision that it’s not going to work anymore, then it tends to be a flop – speaking from experience here – and no ounce of effort makes any difference.

  • The L Word

    No I’m sorry, I whole heartedly disagree.

    I took a break from said boyfriend because my head was in an awful place, and while yes, I didn’t want to hurt him there was no time in my life right there and then to sit down and talk about my day and pretend like everything was ok. I didn’t want them on the back-burner as it were so things were put on hold.

    We did get back together after some time and forgiveness is a hard pill to swallow but it worked. And neither one of us held it against each other.

    And as for remaining friends. Again, I disagree. If someone means something to you, however hard it may be if there is water under the bridge or whatever you can put it aside and stay friends. The only thing that is impossible is when there is only effort on one part. What you’ve written is a horribly objective view of “the woman”. Sometimes falling out of love with someone happens when things become to same-samey. You end up better friends than lovers as it were.

    Saying you can NEVER be friends after that has made your entire relationship worthless if you can’t even remain civil.

  • TenuousRose

    I’m sorry but as a woman myself I don’t think this “rant” is a horribly objective view of “the woman” in this situation, but rather it seems to be Synyster Graves’ view of the situation that he found himself in at the time.

    And if the ex girlfriend was a bitch enough that not only did she not give him closure but that she paraded the new boyfriend around him then I think she is an embarrassing example of a woman. Not all of us are like that

  • The L Word

    Well yeah, as a laydee myself I can vouch for the fact that fellas can be just as god damn nasty. Just most of them aren’t as coniving about it!

    Considering this is only one side of a discussion I was merely only putting my side of events over as for me personally, a break made things better. Something which was argued the opposite. Because that was actually the point of the discussion!!!

  • The Ette

    @The L Word I think you’ve missed the point completely. As a heterosexual male Syn can hardly comment on his experiences in relationships with men. Does that make him homophobic as well as sexist? He was commenting on the situation of “taking a break” which is complete bollocks and pretty much never works. I’ve known people take time out because they have exams/moving jobs/family problems and need to be elsewhere mentally but that’s completely different from “we need to take a break from us.” If the cracks in a relationship have gotten that bad that things seem to be in a samey-samey then taking a week a month or however long you intend it is not going to fix things, it’s just going to paper over them. True love is the difference between a rut and a routine. When I moved in with my now husband we were skint, the main furniture wasn’t due to arrive for 30 days (thanks argos!) and all we had was a TV (on the box it came in) and a blow up bed. We cuddled up every night and watched DVDs. That would kill most relationships but it just made us stronger. The point is it’s easy to be loved up when things are great and life is all about the wining and dining but not so easy when routine sets in, and if it’s not worked the first time around then it’s incredibly rare that the problems in a relationship magically go away. The other point that Syn was making is that all too often “lets take a break” really means I don’t know how to break this off. Not only have I had this done to me by MEN but I’ve also seen this done by my FEMALE friends.
    As for staying friends with an ex, it’s harder than you’re making it sound. Once attraction has come into a friendship then the balance shifts, and going back there is never quite the same. When things end they also end for a reason, which makes staying friends afterwards tricky at best and impossible at worst. Relationships often break up because people grow and change and aren’t who they were when you met them.
    So you’ve taken Syn’s views and made assumptions from them, his experience is a supposed attack on “the woman” but on a situation, yet you’ve insinuated he’s a sexist from this. That’s at best a little foolish!

  • The L Word


    Now if everyone just agreed with everyone else then this world would be a horribly boring place

    I was never saying, hey Mr Synyster, you are a bad man for saying these things. Shame on you. No. I merely was pointing out an opinion from my side! Which 6 years on I am not filled with regret! We don’t hold it against each other, no love lost. I don’t really see why this is causing such a stir!

    And who’s being foolish now?! I never implied homophobia nor sexism. Talk about putting words in mouths! What I mean is, you’d never hear the other side of that argument i.e this nasty ex. Not him commenting on relationships with men! Honestly! =/

    I found this by pure accident, and it struck a chord. Forgive me for having an opinion. And in any case, a good debate is good for the soul =]

  • Synyster Graves

    Right, to be honest this was never intended to be controversial article, it was merely a collation of events which have been experienced and witnessed by myself. This wasn’t some kind of semantic rulebook by which these are stringent guidelines we must follow.

    It was a mere reflection of what I have seen as a spectator and seeing it happen when two close friends broke up I could see the fallout from both sides. It’s always hard trying not to take sides when you witness an emotional trauma like that and maybe, I thought it would be a good idea to express this in my article. If it happened once it’s chance, twice is coincidence, but for it to happen with this level of frequency, I will have a quantum of concern.

    I am not biased purely on the basis that this also has happened to me but when you have a unequivocal consistency with the events, yes I do tend to comment on them and perceive them as being negative. When the term “going on a break” is banded about with such idiocy, then yes I will question its integrity. I have never seen it applied with a degree of merit and yes true, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I haven’t seen Aurora Borealis either but I have seen proof of it. Going on a break with good intentions on the other hand, I haven’t seen proof of. Hence my perspective.

    I suppose in theory it works, but again you can’t go by that. For example Communism works in theory but I’m sure the victims of the famine during Mao Tse Tung’s reign would beg to differ.

    I don’t actually have a problem with women at all and I do recognise that most men are utter bastards, in fact if you read some earlier articles I’ve written you’d know of my utter contempt for the average male these days as they seem to adopt a disdainful approach which seems to acquire attention.

    I’m pleased that you managed to attain a resolvable situation, it’s just in my experience and spectation that such a situation has never transpired, almost a utopian circumstance. But you need to appreciate that not all of us were fortunate enough to have delectation of being amicable in such an awful situation. I personally cannot adopt an attitude that “everything will be alright” because most of the time it’s not. I used to when I was young and naive but now I would rather choose to be more realistic.

    If I were you, I would take solace that you were lucky, and the rest of us weren’t. I appreciate the contribution but I think the other comments echo my sentiments because it can be related to, rather than just agreeing with everyone on a whim.

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