Synyster Graves

Buried Myself Alive On The Inside

by on Aug.22, 2011, under Emo Rants

I suppose growing up listening to Utah band The Used in one’s angsty late teenage years is a gift as well as a detriment but at least it was a medium whereby one found solace as an empathetic voice coming from a CD player. I never truly cared for what the song was about but listening to it today in the car made a penny drop for me and you gain a sense of philosophical perspective on what the song could be intimating. But the point of this minature diatribe is that the title of this song got me thinking.

I for one did indeed used to bottle up feelings and words I didn’t say but should have and in the long run it makes you a very unhappy person. I suppose now that I have acquired a more cultured maturity and are a lot more ambivalent towards being honest with yourself. Because at the end of the day, being honest with yourself is paramount. Sure keeping secrets ultimately can catalyse one’s demise but surely the sense of liberation from not having that burden on your back is better?

I’m honest with myself, because I suppose even if you apply a Descartes-esque spin on life, cogito ergo sum, “I think therefore I am”, I know I exist for a definite, so lying to myself to bury myself alive per se is futile and frankly stupid. Hiding something from someone also becomes part of your ego, your self, your very being and the ramifications of such guilt can manifest in socially atrocious and blatantly clandestine behaviour. The worst part is that anyone who is even moderately clued up can see this behaviour. Most apparent is the ostracism of people when someone is trying to hide a secret, especially when one cannot truly control the actions of others. However merely trying to ignore misdemeanours will always fall short of actually admitting them. Similarly taking responsibility will always retain respect rather than denial. But that’s just human nature. One cannot castigate someone for being human, although to some people with elevated perceptions of personal righteousness, they do.

But I ask you this, is that better than being true to yourself? I personally don’t think so. I’m not saying that I act with some kind if righteous purity and perfection, because I’m not. I just find it irksome that some people are forced to suffer and be extradited because other people lack the necessary fortitude to be honest and honourable.

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