Synyster Graves

How To: Do Your Research

by on Dec.21, 2011, under Epic FA-ils

As it is nearing Christmas I’m in a giving mood. After reading the multitude of Manchester United fans comments regarding the Suarez injustice I thought I’d comprise a brief “How To” actually use the internet instead sussurate idiotic comments like I’ve been reading all day. But most importantly, this is to benefit the employees of the English Football Association, who last night displayed the cognitive fortitude of an X-Factor contestant, which is just below chocolate wafer on the scale.

In older times, like when I was at school, we didn’t have the internet (well we did have a 32K modem, but that was just painful to use), we had to use text books. As I’ve previously said I’m in a giving mood so for the benefit of the retards at the FA:

This is called an encyclopedia. This contains information about everything and it is listed alphabetically. Think of it like a dictionary with pictures and facts.

However now we have the internet, which has been a ubiquitous resource in homes for the past 15 years or so. This enables you to have the “information super highway” at your finger tips and can find out information in seconds, assuming you can type with more than one finger.

So lets make it even more easy, because I feel at this point I’m probably losing a few of the Man United fans here.

Navigate to in the URL bar at the top (or in Google if it’s your “home page”) and press Enter.

In the search bar type in “Negrito” (I know Suarez said “Negrita”, but in Spanish, the feminine form replaces a “-a” with the suffix “-o”, just ask any ten year old who has learnt elementary Spanish) and you will receive this search result:

noun, plural -tos, -toes. 
a member of any of various small-statured, indigenous peoples of Africa, the Philippines, the Malay Peninsula, the Andaman Islands, and southern India.

Also if you were to research Suarez’s exact phrase “Negrita”, you get this result:


Negrita\, n. [Sp., blackish, fem. of negrito, dim. of negro black.] (Zo["o]l.) A blackish fish ( Hypoplectrus nigricans), of the Sea-bass family. It is a native of the West Indies and Florida.

Personally I am struggling to see the “racist” content in either of these statements. While Negrito makes reference to an a world population (That’s filed under “W” for the benefit of FA employees, also you could look up “World Map” while you’re there), it is more a descriptive noun denoting the size of the person, rather than a derogatory comment on one’s ethnicity. And the other one is a fish.

However if you were to navigate to, you will get this result:

The Negrito are a class of several ethnic groups who inhabit isolated parts of Southeast Asia.[1]

Their current populations include 12 Andamanese peoples of the Andaman Islands, six Semang peoples of Malaysia, the Mani of Thailand, and the Aeta, Agta, Ati, and 30 other peoples of the Philippines. Reports from British traders also speak of negrito people on Borneo (Sarawak). (Journal of the Malayan Branch Royal Asiatic Society, Vol. XXIX, part 1, 1956)

Negritos share some common physical features with African pygmy populations, including short stature, natural afro-hair texture, and dark skin; however, their origin and the route of their migration to Asia is still a matter of great speculation. They are the most genetically distant human population from Africans at most loci studied thus far (except for MC1R, which codes for dark skin).

They have also been shown to have separated early from Asians, suggesting that they are either surviving descendants of settlers from an early migration out of Africa, commonly referred to as the Proto-Australoids, or that they are descendants of one of the founder populations of modern humans.[2]

Again here it is what we would colloquially call a “pygmy”, which connotations arise more of a person who is short in stature, rather than their pigment or ethnicity.

The following resources I have managed to find within five minutes of using the internet and considering how long it has taken for this investigation to come to fruition, I would like to have thought that someone in the echelons of the FA actually attempted to come out of their archaic catacombs and actually do some research prior to passing any judgement.

So in summation to all employees of the English Football Association, perhaps you should actually do some research and get all the facts rather than rely on one person’s account of the incident. You should also actually look into what was said and make a decision based on that rather than prosecute because it’s similar in sounding to an offensive word, which doesn’t make it the same, for example if you research the ruler of England between 1016-1035, and then tell me that similar sounding words are the same.

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